6 months. 6 months 24 weeks. 168 days since I lost both of my parents. They died in a car crash. Im a single child and never knew any of my relatives. This last year alone has been the worst year of my life. My best friend/boyfriend left me and went to London to join a boy band. I took it real bad. I knew him since we were 4. He was my best friend, we lived right beside each other. When we we’re 14 we got together I was so happy with Nathan. Thats his name by the way. In the last few months of our relationship he began to be abit distant. Then one day he left. And never came back I haven’t seen him ever since that day . not even a goodbye. He texted me that night telling me he loved me but he couldn’t carry on our relationship. I was 15. I began to fall behind in school, stop eating and I began to self-harm. At one stage I was admitted to hospital because I tried to end it all. I couldn’t live without Nathan. I was just getting my life back on track when suddenly after leaving me to school one morning  my mum & dad had a car accident. They died. I didn’t know what to do. All I wanted was Nathan to be there to comfort me & tell me everything was going to be ok. But he was too busy in London with his boy band. I now live with Nathans mum Karen & his sister Jess. She’s been amazing she really has. Im 18 now, Nathan hasn’t been home since i’ve been staying here thankfully. Karen’s helped me get my life back on track, she’s been amazing. I want to be a dancer. I’m working in the local Hollister shop to save up to move to London to pursue my dreams.

Friday 5pm brilliant, home time& Christmas holidays! I get the bus back home. Home as in Karen’s. She helped me sell my mum& dads house  everything. She’s been amazing. “Karen I’m home!” I shout as I walk in the door puting my keys on the table “hey Charylie” Jess smiles running up and hugging me “hey Jess” “Come here look” she  says pulling me by the hand into the living room. Who I see standing in front of me takes me by complete surprise. “Jesus Charylie!” Nathan says as he looks me up and down. Nathan. Nathan Sykes. I just stand there. I can’t believe this. I thought I’d never see him again. I walk away and run upstairs slamming my bedroom door. I break down in tears I can’t believe this. I loved Nathan. I still do. I sit down on my bed with my head in my hands. “Can I come in?” Nathan asks knocking on my door. I don’t reply so he lets himself in. He just stands there in the doorway. He’s changed so much. His style. I was more used to seeing him in tracksuit bottoms and t-shirts, he was now wearing jeans,hightops a leather jacket and a hat. His hair isn’t the same. Its more tamed looking with a fringe now. He’s got facial hair. He looks so different. He looks beautiful. His eyes. “Charylie what have you done to yourself?” he asks sitting down beside me. “I’ve grown up.” I mumble “I’m so so sorry for not being here for you” his voice is just so. Words can’t explain the hold they have off me. “it’s ok you have your amazing life I didn’t expect you to come back anyway.” I snap. I sounded really spiteful but I didn’t care. Did it hurt to take one day of to check if I was ok? One phone call a text anything. “Charylie I’m sorry I really regret it now.” “Nathan don’t lie to me” I cry. “A phone call or a text anything?” I shout “I lost your number” he awkwardly replies. “Charylie I love you.” He says. His voice so perfect. I love him. I get up of the bed and sit down on the window sill. Looking out at the rain hitting my window. “Nathan you’ve hurt me so much you know that” I cry. “I tried to end it at one stage. I couldn’t go on without you. My life wasn’t worth living without you. You just left without a simple good bye or an explanation and your mum had to tell me why you left. Do you know how much that hurt me?” “I’ll regret doing that for the rest of my life.” He replies. “I’m so so sorry..” “why come back?” I ask. “it’s Christmas..” oh yeah. I forgot. “…and I got you this” he says coming over beside me and handing me a little box. “it’s not a ring is it?” I joke. “no not yet..” he winks. Yet? I open it. It’s the most gorgeous thing i’ve ever seen. A silver chain with a little fairy charm on it. “Nathan its beautiful..” “Not as beautiful as you though” he says as I hug him. He kisses my forehead. His touch. His skins so soft. He smells so good. It feels so good being back in his arms. I hand him the chain for him to put it on me. I look at it in the mirror. Wow its gorgeous. “I love it Nath thank you..” shit I need to get him something. “so does this mean your back for a while?” I ask. “two weeks.” He smiles. Two weeks two full weeks with him. “You’ve changed so much Charylie..” he says playing with my fingers as we lay on my bed. I look into his eyes. There amazing. “You’ve still got those amazing eyes” he smiles. “Nath shut up” I laugh “and your body wow.” He winks. He can be quite the flirt. “how long have you been living here with my mum & jess?” “6 months today. Its been 6 months since the accident” “wow. Im so so sorry for not being here for you..” “I forgive you Nathan. Your mums been amazing. I don’t know how I’d off coped without her.” “I just wish I would of been here for you” “for about a week all I wanted was to see you, to give me one of those hugs and tell me everything was going to be ok” I begin to cry as I sit up “Don’t cry babe” he says as he pulls me into one of those hugs. As I pull away he looks at me. He cups my face then leans in and kisses me. It’s amazing. “I love you” he whispers as I pull away “I love you two Nathan..” he smiles as I say it back. “Look mum & I are going into town to get some last minute Christmas shopping, get ready and come with us, Jess is at a friend’s” he kisses my cheek and leaves the room. I’ve missed him so much. Too much actually. Wait is that even possible? A few hours ago I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. Well not ever but I mean for a while at least but now he’s back in my life and we just kissed for the first time in over a year. I love Nathan I honestly do. He makes me so happy. He made me so happy. I’d love to have that again. But im afraid he’ll just get up and leave again like he done before. I quickly get changed out of my work clothes and into a little long-sleeved knitted dress with black tights and little black boots. I pull on my favourite hat with little bobbles on the top of it and scarf. I take my hair out of the tight bun it was in so it’s now long & wavy. Why am I going to such bother when we’re just going into town?! I grab my phone & bag. I’ve still got the last picture I took of Nathan and I as my screen saver. Not that I still have the same phone I just transfer the same pictures every time I get a new phone. Ok I’m ready. I go downstairs to find Karen & Nathan standing waiting on me. “at last!!” she laughs as she walks out the door “You look so cute” Nathan whispers in my ear. On the drive into town Nathan talks about how amazing things are going for them and how much he loves his life. It sounds so amazing. Makes me feel abit sad. I stay quiet for a bit as him & his mum talk away about things. I notice him take out his phone. “Charylie you’ve been abit quiet” Karen says. “Im tired thats all…” I reply then my phone beeps.

‘you okay? Nath xxxxx’

‘yeah tired. Thought you ‘lost’ my number? Xxxxx’

‘got it off mums fone earlier :P xxxxx’

‘sneaky…xxxxx’

‘I love you :) xxxxx’

‘I love you too Sid xxxxx’

‘oh Sid? Xxxxx’

‘yes Sykes…. problem?xxxx’

‘yeah:(xxxxx’

‘what? Xxxxx’

‘I love this girl. She means the world to me, but I messed up & really want her back. But I don’t know if she’s ready.. xxxxx’

He looks at me. His eyes. How could you say no to that face. He weakly smiles…

‘just tell her how you feel…you never know she might be ready xxxxx’

He smiles back as he reads the message then puts his phone in his pocket. We eventually get to the shopping centre. I notice a few people notice Nathan. “Nathan are you going to get mobbed again?” Karen laughs “I hope not!” he says. He grabs a hold of my hand as we’re walking and interlocks his fingers with mines. It’s nice. “oh. You two are back together already ?!” his mum laughs. “not yet mum..” Nathan awkwardly replies “Oh..sorry!!!” she says walking on. Nathan and I are walking along when a few girls scream at him.. not in a mean way but I think it’s just the fact that its him haha. “I suppose you get this a lot?” I laugh “too much actually.. I never can get used to people knowing my name and screaming every time they see me” he laughs. “It’s sweet” I smile. “so what are you doing with your life?” Nathan asks. “well you know i’ve always wanted to be a dancer. So im just saving at the moment to move to London.” “are you serious?” he asks “yeah?” “you can move in with me silly! God Charylie are you that stupid? You know I’d off taken you in straight away!” he laughs. “well you did only arrive back tonight and I never thought I’d ever see you again” I snap. “babe im sorry… but seriously move to London with me” he says wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and kissing my cheek. “really Nath?” I turn around and face him “yeah really. It would be amazing.” “but you live with the boys?” “Yeah so? Their girlfriends live with us to? It’d be fine” he smiles. It would be amazing. “and mum told me about the dance school in London Charylie” he smiles. I got accepted into a dance school just before mum & dad died. They told me to take my time and come back to them if it was still what I wanted to do and it is. This is amazing! We’re walking past this jewellers when I notice the chain Nathan bought me on the window. The price on it oh my god. “Nathan!” I say. “what?” he ask I point to the necklace. He just shrugs his shoulders and smiles “Nathan the price! You shouldn’t off” “it did cost me like a year’s wages but yano” he laughs “Nath!” I say hitting his arm. “I’m joking im joking.. your worth every penny though” he smiles. Hess too sweet. I notice him looking at a few watches. “wow that one’s nice!” he points to a nice one with a brown leather strap on it. “Nath thats gorgeous babe.” “it’s too expensive though..ah well come on” he says pulling me along. “Nathan i’ve got to go to the bathroom i’ll get you in superdry yeah?” I smile. “ok babe” he smiles letting go off my hand and walking on ahead. I wait until he’s gone into superdry and I walk back to the jewellers and buy him the watch. I get it nicely wrapped and everything. He’ll love it I know it. I quickly pay for it then put the box in my bag. I find him in superdry “close your eyes!!” he shouts “Nath why?” I laugh “because I said so!” I close my eyes. “Can I open them yet?” I whisper “Nathan?” I open my eyes and he’s not even there. Where has he gone? I spot him and the cash register. “Nathan you little shit!” I laugh as he takes the bag of the woman at the till “what have you bought?” I ask. “nothing..you’re not allowed to see” he pokes his tongue out at me. “Nathan tell meeee” I plead “No! It’s a surprise!” he smiles. I buy a nice dress in river island and then we head home “Has everyone got what the needed?” Karen asks “yeah.. I have” I smile “ok because if not im coming back down in the morning to do the shopping” “but Mum you just did the shopping?” Nathan laughs in the backseat. “I mean as in food you sarcastic little shit!” she laughs. God I love Karen. She’s more of a sister or a friend than a mother figure. “Mum..how would you feel if Charylie moves out?” Nathan asks on the way home. “I’d die! Without my little munchkin” she jokes “No really? And she moves to London with em me..” “I’d love for her to. Not that I want to get rid of her but I’d love to see you pursue your dreams hunny” she smiles to me. “Thats that sorted” Nathan proudly smiles. Once we get home I head straight to bed I’m so tired. I leave Nathan downstairs with his mum.  I quickly drift off to sleep but im awoke by a nearly naked Nathan climbing into bed beside me. “Oi Sykes do you not have your own bed in this house?” I whisper “yeah but it’s all cold & lonely” he winks as he wraps his arms around me. I just stare into his eyes for ages. Their amazing. An amazing colour of green. “Charylie..” “yeah Nath?” I smile pushing his fringe out of his face. “Can I have another chance?” he asks. Another chance. What do I say? What can I say he’s laying nearly naked in front of me? I love him so I should give him another chance shouldn’t I? “yes as long as you promise never ever to leave me again” “I promise i’ll love you till the day I die” he smiles then leans in and kisses me. It’s amazing. I fall asleep in his arms that night.

“Morning beautiful” Nathan smiles as I wake. “hey” I smile as I kiss him. “I’ve missed you so so much” he says stroking my hair. “I’ve missed you too Nath..” “are you engaged?” he laughs looking at the ring on my finger “No, it’s mums.. I wear it all the time so I feel close to her” “Awh babe. Im never gona forgive myself for that you know” he says. “for what?” “Not being here for you.. your my everything and I couldn’t give up just a few days just to see if you we’re ok….” he sighs. I lean in and kiss him to stop him from talking. The kiss gets a bit heated. He starts taking of my vest “Nath is your mum not here?” I mumble between kisses “she’s gone out” he winks. He starts undressing me “are you sure you wana do this?” he asks. “yeah” I smile “ok be right back” he says getting up and leaving the room. Where has he gone?! I look at my phone to see if there’s anything on it. Nothing. No messages, calls or tweets. I log onto twitter. I never really use it. I’ve got hardly any followers. Nathan comes back into the room “where did you go?” I laugh “condom” he winks as he returns to kissing me..then you can sorta guess what happens next. 30 minutes later Nathan rolls off me.. “That was amazing” he replies abit out of breath. Well when I say abit I mean a lot hehe. “Nathan..” I say as I lay across his bare chest “yeah babe.. “ “was I um your first?” “yeah of course! I sort of waited for you” he awkwardly replies “Awh Nath…” I smile. Thats so sweet. I mean like he’s in a boy band surely he’d have loads of offers like? “was I yours?” he asks. “obviously.. what other person would feel sorry for me and like me….” “what do you mean?” he asks “Nath you don’t have to pretend to like me. Like you’re in a band you could get any girl you want. I’m not even pretty or whatever. I just don’t see why you want me.” “Charylie stop it! First of all I only want you I don’t want any girl secondly I know you’re not pretty thats because your beautiful and unique in your own way and thirdly I love you so much…” Awh….

The 2 weeks flew in. Nathan & I spent all of the 2 weeks together. It’s amazing having him back in my life. He’s going back to London tomorrow & I’m going back with him! I’m gona miss Jess & Karen so much. They’ve done so much for me. “babe can you believe that this is it?” Nathan says as we’re walking through the park holding hands “believe what?” I laugh “that you’re moving to London with me tomorrow!” “I know. It’s what we’ve always wanted” “our dream.. remember that little life we had planned out?” “it’s starting to fall into place now Sykes” I smile. When we were 14 we planned our life out together. Move to London him a singer & me a dancer then have kids and move to the country and have a big house & a dog everything. “are you sure it’s ok with the boys?” I ask. “yeah of course… they’ll love you in fact” he says as he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me. “I don’t deserve you Sykes” “you don’t deserve me? Oh shut up!!” he laughs dragging me along by the hand..

….

Today’s the day! We’re moving to London. Well I am. Nathan already lives there. I’m so excited! I’ve never been to London before. “babe c’mon our trains leaving now” Nathan smiles pulling me into the train. We find a seat and I snuggle in beside Nathan. I quickly fall asleep. Im awoke a few hours later by Nathan “babe we’re here” he whispers in my ear “Babe..” “Charylie wake the fuck up” he laughs. “ss-sorry..” I mumble waking up. “We’re here” he smiles. We get a taxi to his house. It’s amazing “Wait Nath you live here?!” I ask in shock “well yes with the band silly” “Oh yeah” I smile. “C’mon then don’t just stand there” Nathan smiles carrying our bags into the house. When I get in its a typical boys house. Mess! “sorry for the mess” he laughs. “boys im baaaaack” he shouts. Then 2 boys appear in the doorway. A bald one & a tanned dark haired one. Both extremely good-looking. They stare me up and down which makes me abit paranoid “Tom&Max this is Charylie. Charylie this is Tom and Max” Nathan smiles as he introduces me. “wow mate this is the famous Charylie?” the Tom one asks. “yes it is” he smiles interlocking his fingers with mines “she’s fit!…” “…wait. You two are back together?” Tom says which makes me blush “yeah we are” I smile. “oh.. well mate I don’t know how you got her for she’s fit!” Tom adds again. “yeah well she’s all mine Parker” Nathan winks. “wait you’ve done it?!” Max asks. “what baby Nath has actually done it?!” a curly boy asks as he walks into the living room where we’re all awkwardly stood “Im Jay by the way you must be Charylie” he smiles. This awkward subject makes my face go even redder. Embarrassed much?! I look at Nathan and he just laughs. “awwh baby Naths finally became a man!!” Tom says hugging him. “is he good in bed?” Max winks. I just laugh

…

“Morning” Tom smiles as I walk into the kitchen “iya” I reply. “is Nath awake yet?” he asks “Um nope don’t think so why?” “need to talk to him” he sighs. He seems abit nervy. “So how come you & Nath are back together?” he asks as we sit down on the sofa. “well I live with his mum and little sister…” “wait your his sister?” Tom asks “.. no no! Haha I’ve known Nathan since I was 4! But both my mum&dad passed away 6 months ago & Naths mum was the only person I have..” I start to tear up every time I mention my mum & dad. “Oh my god I’m so sorry..” Tom says. He seems so genuine. “it’s ok..”i weakly smile “Nath never said..” “thats because Nath didn’t care.” I say “what?” “oh nothing. He knew but he was too busy with you guys. I’ve accepted it now” I smile “little prick” he mumbles under his breath. “Tom it’s fine.. I hadn’t seen him in nearly a year so I accepted it he couldn’t take time out of his day to even text to see if I was ok” “but you’ve known him all your life have you not?” “ye-“ “known who all your life?” Nathan buts in walking into the living room “you..” “what about me?” he asks. “nothing.” “Nath mate can I have a word in the kitchen?” Tom asks. They both get up and leave me in the living room. Weird. Wonder what it’s about? Something band related probably. Or not I hear raised voices sounds like Tom’s. Me being the nosey person I am I get up and stand with my ear to the door. ‘Nath mate she’s just lost her parents and you’re doing this you little prick!’ ‘yeah well you tell her or I will!’ ‘she fucking loves you’ who loves who? Shit. Tom opens the door and I fall in on top of him “C-c-Charylie you heard that” Nathan mumbles “yeah what’s wrong?” I ask. Nathan looks at Tom and vice versa. “well? Is anyone gona tell me anything?” I ask. “Charylie I’m so so sorry” Nathan says “what is it Nath?” he’s scaring me now. “I’ve got a girlfriend.” Those 4 words kill me. The person i’ve loved the most. The one person i’ve trusted. I just stand there in shock. “Charylie I swear i’ll end it all now.. I just want you no one else” he says clutching my hands. “I’ll go end it now I promise” he says “go..” I mumble. “you’re not seriously gona stay with him after this?” Tom asks as Nathan goes to ‘finish it’. “I love him Tom” I begin to cry. “Charylie you can’t take him back!!” he snaps. “why? I love him..he loves me!” I cry.

…

The next few weeks are abit tense. Nathan & Tom are constantly arguing. Toms being so sweet to me. I’ve started teaching in the new dance school and I’ve been given a part in JLS’s new tour which means i’ll be away for a month. Toms moved out of the house. Hes moved into his own flat in London but he’s always here in the house anyway. “Morning babe” Nathan smiles as i wake up “hey Nath” “You go today dont you?” he asks “for a whole month yeah..” i smile “I dont want you to go” he says pulling me into a hug. “awh” i laugh. “so your not gona miss me or nothing?!” he asks. “suppose i will..” I joke “oi” he says tickling me “Nathan ahh” he knows I hate being tickled. “Nathan stop!” I laugh “sorry hehe” “I’ve got to go get ready..” I say pulling away “noo…” he laughs following me into the bathroom “Nath what are you doing? I’m gona take a shower” I laugh “I know.. I’m joining you” he smiles. An hour later Im saying my goodbyes to everyone “I’ll miss you beautiful” Nathan whispers as hes hugging me. “I love you” he smiles as he kisses me “Love you Nath” “promise to skype & call everyday?” he asks “of course babe.” I smile “see ya boys” I wave good bye “Charylie wait!” Tom shouts as I’m getting into the taxi , at this stage the rest of the boys are in the house. “yeah Tom?” I smile as he comes running towards me. Then. He well. He kissed me. What? Its amazing. I totally wasnt expecting this. “I’ll miss you yeah?” he smiles. “I-i-i’ll miss you two Tom” wait. Tom just kissed me? Ok my head is so fucked up right now.

So it’s the last night of the tour! It’s been amazing. The JLS boys are so nice! I can’t stop thinking about the day I left. With Tom. Nathan & I had an argument and were sort of on a break right now. I’ve managed to get Toms number of Aston. I pretended I lost Nathans and needed Toms. Do I text him? Eek.

‘how are you? X x x’

Wait what. Tom just texted me. Strange. Incredibly strange.

’incredibly tired lol! Hows you:)? Missing me;)?xx’

‘yeah a lot x x’

‘Awh! I miss you to:) suppose you heard about Nath&I?Xx’

‘no:O why?Xx’

‘we’re on a break lol…text soon rehearsals xx’

A little while later…

‘really?!! Haven’t spoke to him in a week or two xx’

‘yeah really lol..xx’

‘wow. We need to meet up. Are you busy?Xx’

‘I’m in hair&make up! Tour remember! But out after it..you up for it?xx’

‘im already there! See you soon xx’

Why does Tom want to meet up? So strange but what the hell. Ah show time!

“London you’ve been amazing! Thanks for having us”

Aston shouts as everyone runs off stage. It’s been an amazing month! Everyone’s heading out now to go get drunk! Yay. I arrange to meet Tom for a drink first. We need to talk. I don’t exactly want to talk when I’m unbelievably drunk hehe. What to wear? Eek. I rummage through my suitcase and find a black leather bra and a long purple pencil skirt and my favourite black heels. My hairs already curly so this will do. When im putting the finishing touches to my makeup there’s a knock at the door. Must be one of the girls. I’ve gotten close with a few of the dancers. Wait. Its Tom. “TOM” I smile hugging him. I haven’t seen any of the boys in over a month. So i’ve missed them. He smells so good & looks so good. Omg. What? Why am I thinking like this about Tom. “hello babe” he smiles “come on in” he sits down on my bed as im trying to pack “you look amazing” he says looking me up and down “you don’t look to bad yourself” I joke. “what’s happened with you & baby Nath?” he asks. Em eek. “he’s been getting on my nerves lately. Even before I left with the whole girlfriend thing. Then he demanded for me to call & text and when I didn’t he suspected I was seeing Aston? And I just got angry and said I’d rather have a break.” “wow. Well um..” “what is it Tom?” I ask “he’s back with his ex girlfriend. The one he supposedly finished you for.” “what.” Oh my god.i can’t believe this. “he never really finished her at all.. he’s been lying to you the whole time Charylie.” Nathan? My Nathan. “fuck him.” I snap. I honestly don’t care anymore. Im done with him. He’s dead to me to be quite honest. “you ready?” I ask Tom. “are you sure your ok babe?” He asks. “of course” I wink. we arrange to meet the rest of the dancers & JLS in the reception. Tom has his arm around my shoulder. I feel safe with Tom. I can’t stop thinking about Nathan. “i’ll stay in with you if you want babe?” Tom says as we’re waiting on the taxi’s “Nope its fine I just want to go out” I smile. Oh wait that kiss. “Tom?” “Yeah..” “you know the day I left..” “er yeah?” he awkwardly replies “you kissed me?” “yeah. I I like you  Charylie.” Wait what. He likes me?! Tom Parker. Oh my god. “what really?” I ask “yeah. But I know nothing could ever happen cos your with baby Nath and he’s my best mate but he doesn’t deserv-.” I cut him off by kissing him. I don’t know why but it felt amazing like the first time we kissed. The taxi eventually arrives. This is going to be a good night!

….

Ouch!! My head is banging. I wake in my hotel room. Wait im naked. What? No. Toms in bed beside me. And he’s naked to. This can’t be happening. What happened last night? The rooms a mess. There’s 2 empty vodka bottles? One of my hair extensions’ is wrapped around the lamp on my bedside table. This is mad. I carefully get out of bed and find some pyjama’s and go shower.  What happened last night? This is mental. I try and tidy the room a little but I end up waking Tom up “morning” I smile “my head. Hurts. Aagh” he sighs “Tom..” I laugh sitting cross legged on the bed “yeah?” “what happened last night?” I laugh. He looks under the bed covers “no. Did we?” he asks “I can’t remember! But I woke up naked also.” I laugh “shit. We must of!” “all  I remember is leaving the hotel” “so you didn’t mean it then?” he asks “mean what?” “you told me you loved me..” “what did I ?” “yeah I told you first though.” “what Tom really? Do you?” “Charylie i’ve loved you since the first day you stepped foot in that house. I’ve been so jealous of you & Nath. I want that so much. You seem so happy and in love. I want that with you” “I I love you Tom” wait what. Did I just say that? But Nathan. “but Nath” I mumble “Listen to me for once yeah?…” Tom says clutching my hands “yeah?” “…forget Nath. He’s just a little prick! He’s been stringing you along for the last few weeks while has been fucking other girls behind your back. We were so shocked when he came home with you. He told us he didn’t love you anymore before he left. He said he could have you back like that. I overheard him telling Jay last week that he’s only with you cos your fit & unbelievable in bed. And I bet he told you you we’re his first?” what. I start crying. “yeah he did.” “babe you weren’t that little prick had a different girl every night for about 3 weeks before he went home for Christmas” wow.. “I can’t go back Tom” I cry. “come back with me. I’ve got my own place” “I can’t believe Nathans done this to me” I really really can’t. Nathan. My Nathan. Nathan Sykes who i’ve known since I was 4. I lay back down on the bed. “stop it.” Tom snaps “Tom I love him.” “I know you do but has not worth it babe. He’s not worth your tears! Get up and get dressed. I’m taking you back to the house so we can get your stuff and take you to mines. And you can forget about Nathan.” “Thank you Tom” I smile hugging him. We get breakfast and I pack to get ready. I pull on my navy superdry tracksuit bottems,a white vest and my grey superdry hoodie. I tie my hair up in a bun & don’t wear any makeup. “even without makeup you look so so hot..” Tom winks “shut up Parker” I laugh. He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me. As we’re leaving the JLS boys are too. “Charylie babe I hope my offer still stands” Aston winks. “em what offer Ast?” I laugh “the one about you taking me out in London when we get home” he winks “oh..im sorry but I don’t remember” I laugh. “ah’well we’ll see you about yeah?” “yeah definitely thanks for the amazing experience boys” I smile. “Later Parker!” Aston shouts. “y’alright Merrygold!” Tom drives us back to the boys house. Aaargh. Nathans cars parked outside it. “This is it.” Im incredibly nervous.  “babe I’ve got your back” Tom smiles holding my hand as we walk into the house. Nathans sat on the sofa with his tongue down some blonde slag’s throat. Slag is the only word nice word I can find to describe her. “C-c-Charylie!” Nathan says pulling away. I don’t take him on & walk straight up stairs and into his room. Tom helps me throw all my stuff into my bags. I take off the necklace Nathan got me for Christmas and sit it on my bed. “you’re doing the right thing you know that babe” Tom says kissing my forehead “Tom?” Max asks. “alright mate.” “What we’re you at last night?” he asks. “went out in London mate” “yeah I seen.” “how?” I ask. “I take it you haven’t seen today’s papers then” he laughs. Oh god. “what’s going on with you two then?” “er mate i’ll explain all later yeah?” Tom says as we leave. Nathans sat on the sofa with his head in his hands. “Charylie babe please I love you so so much” he’s crying. Shit. “well you should of thought about that before you cheated on me.” I snap “Charylie babe please your my everything I’d give this all up right now to be with you..” “go then. Do it. Give it all up.” I know he hasn’t the balls to do it anyway. “er. I um.. I thought you we’re cheating on me!” really? He sank this low. “with who?” I laugh. “Tom!!” “Mate it’s not cheating if she’s single..” Tom says holding my hand. “ I knew it! I always did.” “knew what? Nathan nothing happened while we we’re together” “what do you mean we’re?” “were over Nathan. This is it. You’ve ruined my life.” I cry walking out of the house. I never want to see him ever again. “Yeah well I was only friends with you cos I felt sorry for ya!” he shouts out the door. Nathan has never ever shouted at me. Never. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe he’d do this to me..

….

6 months later.

I’m with Tom now. Live with him in London etc. I still haven’t seen or heard of Nathan ever since that day in the house. Him & Nathan have agree-ed to be civil for the bands sake. Im 20 now. And i’ve just been offered the opportunity of a life time. But the thing is I love Tom & don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk to about this. Yeah i’ve got Tom but it’s telling him. “babe I’m going over to Max’s for a bit wana come?” Tom smiles as he walks out of the bathroom. “hmm yeah ok when you going?” “Now soon” I decide to get ready. What to wear? I just pull on leggings and a longish top with wedges. It is nearly summer like! “you look gorgeous” Tom whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms around my waist from behind. “shut up Parker” I laugh “I love you.” He smiles “I love you too Tom” “c’mon lets gooooo” he smiles pulling me out of our flat. “Maxmillian!!” Tom says running up and hugging Max “Thomas!” he says pulling his ear. Those two are so comical together. “alright Charylie long time now see love” he smiles hugging me. I say hello to Michelle and we’re all sat talking when he walks in. He as in Nathan. I haven’t seen him since that day in the house. He’s not the same. He’s not his usual bubbly self. He looks sad. “alright Tom” he says sitting down beside him “y’alright Nath” “Charylie” he awkwardly says. “Nath” I weakly smile. “Charylie do you wana help me get some more drinks?” Chelle says nodding towards the kitchen “yeah ok” I smile getting up. “what’s wrong with baby Nath?” I ask. “oh babe. I feel so sorry for him!” “why?” “he’s been so sad and depressed these last few months. I think he still loves you” “I thought he had a girlfriend?” I ask “he did. He finished her after you left. He’s been out every night drinking and sleeping with different girls every night. And he’s started smoking!!” “oh god.. do you think I should like talk to him?” “and say what?” she asks “I don’t know.. but Michelle I need your help” “what is it sweetie?” “Promise you won’t tell the boys?” “swear” she smiles. She’s gorgeous! Her & I have gotten really close these last few months and I feel as if I can actually trust her. “I’ve been offered this amazing scholarship to a dance school in America. For 6 months” “oh my god! thats amazing!!” she says hugging me “but Chelle its 6 months. And I somehow can’t see Tom & I being a part for 6 months.” “what?” I hear Nathan speak up. What. He’s stood there at the door “you heard that?” I ask “yeah.” “oh my god Nath. Please don’t tell him” I say. “Look i’ll give you two some space” Michelle says leaving the room. Nathan sits down at the table and nods towards the seat across from him. I sit down across from him. “Nath what have you done to yourself?” I ask. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” He awkwardly replies pulling his long sleeves down over his hands. “Nathan your smoking? Nath really like..” he shrugs. “Nathan why are you doing this to yourself?” I ask touching his arm. He flinches and pulls away.  “I just can’t go on anymore Charylie.  I can’t put this fake smile on for any longer.” “what do you mean?” I ask. “I love you Charylie. I can’t live without you. Its killing me seeing you with Tom. It should be me!” he snaps as he flattens his fringe making his long sleeve of his top slide up abit. I notice a sore red mark on his wrist. He quickly pulls his sleeve back down. Something’s not right here. “Nathan I love you too but I’m with Tom now.” “and that kills me.” He sighs. “Nath” I say putting my hand out for him to grab. He reaches out for it two. I run my fingers up towards his arm. He quickly pulls away again. “Nath” I say as I grab his arm and pull up his sleeve. Oh my god. his arms are covered in cuts, scars and bruises. He’s been self harming. This reduces me to tears. “Nathan what have you been doing to yourself” I ask. “I I don’t know” he begins to cry. I pull him into a tight hug “it will be ok Nath” I whisper. “what the fucks going on here?” Tom snaps coming into the room. “Tom don’t start.” “why the fuck have you got your arms around him then?” he asks. “Tom please. Not now” “Oh sorry am I interrupting you two?” he sarcastically replies. “Tom he’s been self harming himself for fuck sake” I shout. “thanks.” Nathan snaps and walks out of the room “Nath I’m sorry.” “Look what you’ve done now!” I snap at Tom. “Baby Nath? Self harming?” he mumbles. “yes!!” I cry. “Tom im sorry but I need to go see if he’s ok” I cry running out of the room…

“Nathan!” I shout following him up the street “Nath!” “Nathan for fucksake I can’t run in these shoes!”  he stops. “Nathan I’m sorry I really am..” I cry as I catch up with him. “I love you Charylie but I can’t take this anymore.” “Nathan I love you.. please don’t say that!”  we talk for a while and he eventually calms down. We talk about old times. Memories we’ve had. “Charylie..” Nathan says as we’re sitting on a random doorstep. “yeah Nath?” “promise me something.” “what is it?” “That you’ll take this job.” “what Nath. I can’t. I can’t leave you or Tom” “forget about Tom. Do you honestly think if it was him he’d stay for you?” he asks. When I think about it I don’t think he would. I mean I love Tom but it always seems that it’s all me and not him.  “but Nathan I can’t leave you like this..” I cry “Charylie its only 6 months.” “but Nathan I love you. More than I love Tom.” I can’t believe it took me this long to realise that i’ve loved Nathan  more than I love Tom. I always knew Nathan was the one. “when do you leave?” Nathan asks. “next Monday.” Its Wednesday now.  “that soon?” he sighs. “yeah and I haven’t even told Tom.” “go tell him..” “Nath..” “yeah?” “you’ve got a few weeks of yeah?” “Yeah?” “Go visit your mum please. And Jess.” “ok I will” “thank you” I smile. I let the dance school know I’m taking the course. I have a tearful goodbye with Nathan as he’s going back home tonight. I won’t see him for another 6 months. We promise to contact each other somehow everyday no matter what. Now to tell Tom. I let myself into our flat. He might still be at Max’s. Or not. “where the fuck have you been?” he mumbles. “Tom stop it! My best friend who i’ve known since I was 4 and who was my boyfriend for nearly 2 years is self-harming and wants to kill himself because of me? Do you know how that makes me feel?” I cry. “Charylie please im sorry..”  “Tom no. I can’t believe i’ve done this to Nathan.” I cry sitting down. “he’s just looking for sympathy.”  What. He actually said that? I get up and start packing my bags. I can’t stay here. “where are you going?” “to stay with Nathan.” I snap. Im not really. He’s away to Gloucester. “with that little prick?” he laughs. He’s obviously been drinking. “you’re a heartless bastard you know that.” I snap as I push my way past him. He grabs my arm tightly and pushes me up against the wall. He’s scaring me now. “I only used you for sex” he mumbles  “and I only used you to make Nathan jealous.” I snap. Then he slaps me across the face. Hard. My face is stinging. “c-Charylie I’m sorry I dont know what came over me” he says pulling away. “I hate you…” I shout as I walk out the door “Charylie I love you” he cries.

Where will I go? Michelle & Max’s hopefully. “c-c-Charylie what’s happened? Your face?” Max asks. “can I stay with you guys? For a few days please?” “yeah of course you dont have to ask babe” “max who is it?” I hear Michelle shout. “it’s Charylie” he says letting me in “oh my god Charylie your face..” “I..I hit it off the cupboard door” “your wrists?” she says clutching my hands. “bracelets too tight.” I hesitate. “dont lie to me!” “it was Tom wasn’t it?” Max asks. “I deserved it” I begin to cry. “Charylie it doesn’t matter what you’ve done you dont deserve this babe” Michelle says. I explain what happend. “have you told Tom you’re leaving?” Max asks. “no & i dont plan to..”

Monday. I’m leaving for America today. Nathans called&texted every day since Wednesday. I haven’t had contact with Tom. He’s tried to call & text me. He doesn’t know im staying with Max&Michelle. 2pm my flight leaves at 6pm.

‘I’m gona miss you!! See you soon kiddo:)xx’

‘gona miss you two Nath..love you x’

‘love you two:P xx’

This is mad. Im going to America. This is all i’ve wanted ever since I was a little girl. The only thing missing is Nathan. I often wonder how things would of turned out like if mum & dad had of lived. Whether I’d be here now in London. Whether I’d of been with Tom or got back with Nathan. Michelle has offered to leave me to the airport. “Charylie babe dinners ready” Michelle shouts. She’s so sweet. We’ve grown really really close. As I’m walking down the stairs Max is leaving. “oh your going Max?” I smile. “yeah i’ll be back in time to say goodbye though” “thats good..”

4pm. Time to go. Im dragging my suitcase down the stairs when Max and Tom walks in. Shit. “oh is it that time already?” Max asks. “yeap time for me to go” I smile. “go?” Tom asks. “wait .you dont know?” Max asks. “know what?” “Im leaving for America.” “on holidays?” he asks. “no. 6 months” “what?!” he snaps. Max & Michelle leave the room. “6 months Charylie? 6 months?” “6 months at first. Then I could be offerred a permanent position.” I lied. It doesn’t. I want to hurt him just like he hurt me. “Please dont go.” He cries. He seems genuine. “Tom it’s too late my plane leaves in 2 hours.” “But what about Nathan?” he asks. “Nathans fine. He’s at home with his Mum. I’ve told her what’s happened.” “please don’t go..” he sniffles. “Tom i’ve got to.” “please. I love you” “Tom I love you two.” “is it because I hit you?” he asks.. I move away abit. “Im so so sorry Charylie I honestly am. I didn’t mean to hurt you” “But you did Tom..and I dont think I can forgive you for it.” “babe you ready?” Michelle asks. I nod. “please Charylie im begging you.” Tom says “give me one more chance please..” he begins to cry. Oh my god I can’t do this..agaga. what am I doing? Am I doing the right thing?

5 months later….

So i’ve been in America 5 months now. It’s been an amazing few months. I’ve made loads of friends and its brilliant! I dont want to go home. Nathan and I text daily. Michelle & I have our weekly calls but other than that i’ve had no contact with the boys. It’s been hard. Having to face the big bad world on my own but i’ve coped. I can’t believe i’ve got 2 weeks left here! I’m taking a walk down through New York to my apartment i’ve been staying in when I hear a few girls screaming and crowding around a van. I remember I used to experience that a lot with the boys. They used to get mobbed so much. I bet they still do. I’m walking past them when someone calls my name “Charylie?” “Charylie!” I turn around to find my baby Nathan standing looking at me. Oh my god “Nathan?” I ask he runs up and kisses me. It’s amazing. “oh my god Nathan” I begin to cry as he has his hands on my face. “I’ve missed you so much!” he smiles. “Charylie?!” I hear Tom say as he gets out of the van. “hey Tom” I smile. All the boys come up and say hello. I’ve missed them a lot. “C’mon lads we better get going” Big Kiev says. “Oh hello Charylie! Long time no see” he smiles. “hey Kev” “it’s been good seeing you” Nathan smiles. “Maybe i’ll see you later yeah?” he smiles “yeah of course” I smile. I say goodbye and carry on making my way home. Wow I’ve just seen both of the boys for the first time in nearly 6 months. But I felt nothing for Tom? I mean off course I’ve missed him. But Nathan. I love Nathan. I always have but seeing him for the first time in ages just made me realise how much I do love him.

‘what a supriseeee! Was good seeing you Sid:)xx’

‘I know right! We should meet up..you busy tonight:P?Xx’

‘nope:)xx’

‘ok I’m staying at the Mayfair Hotel meet me at 8?Xx’

‘yeah fineJxx’

Oh god. I’m meeting Nath in 1 hour?! What am I going to wear? I decide on black jeans and a white blouse. Not to over dressed but not too casual either. I check my phone before I do my hair & I notice a twitter notification. I use twitter a lot now. It’s easier to keep in contact with people from home! Thanks to the boys i’ve got like 12 thousand followers but I also get a lot of hate which im used to by now.

@NathanTheWanted: ‘off to see @char_ley :-) it’s been too long!! xx’

Awh! He’s too cute… shit its 8!! Agaga. And it takes at least 30 mins to get to where he’s staying. And  my phones just gone dead. Brilliant!

50 minutes later… I eventually arrive after loads of traffic. Nathans not here. He must of got fed up of waiting. I notice Max standing outside the hotel smoking “Maxxx!!!” I shout “alright babe Hows things?” “you dont know where Nathan is?” “upstairs.. he’s in a mood though” “Yeah. My fault” I sigh “how?” “I arranged to meet him an hour ago but I was in traffic” “ah thats why.. c’mon up” Max smiles walking back into the hotel. Wow this hotel is amazing! “how come you boys are here?” I ask as we’re walking up the stairs. “radio tour & we’re performing in the Gramery Theatre tomorrow night” “wow.. this time last year you boys we’re barely known in the UK now New York” “I know.. we we’re told like last week and I sat down and was like what has happened to my life? Its mental yano” he laughs. “I’m proud of you boys” I smile as he lets me into his hotel room where Naths sat on the bed with a big face on him. “Charylie” he says getting up. “it’s amazing how one person can turn that frown upside down” Jay winks. “shut up Bird. I didn’t think you we’re coming” “I’m sorry.. I was running late then my phone died so I couldn’t call you” “its fine..your here now come on” “good luck mate” Jay smiles.. we go a walk through Central Park and just talk about old times & what’s been happening in the last few months. “it’s hard to believe we’re both 20 Nath” I smile “I know Cha. I’ve loved you 16 years wow.” “that long…” “yeah it’s been so long”  “so how long are you here for?” “a week then back home..” “a week? I’ve got 2 weeks left” “those 6 months we’re so long! so em Charylie..” “yeah Nath?” “do you think we could give it another go?” “Nathan I’ve actually been thinking the same thing myself & I’d love it” he kisses me. It’s amazing. “close your eyes” he whispers. I close my eyes. “open them” I open my eyes and he’s down on one knee with a little box in his hand. Oh my god. “Charylie will you marry me?” oh my god oh my god. “Yes Nathan YES!” I smile. He slides the ring on my finger and kisses me. “I love you Mrs Sykes” “I love you Mr Sykes”…

Nathan & I finally got the happy ending we wanted. Let’s just hope it all goes well……